Yami the Lawyer
by Seto-Kaiba's-fan
Summary: Yugi is tired of Yami sitting around the house so he forces Yami to get a job! So what does Yami become...a lawyer of course!
1. Job Hunting

**_Kame_****_ Game Shop_**

****

Yami was sitting on the couch watching late afternoon cartoons, while he was thinking how great life was. He didn't have any responsibilities, no chores, no school, no anything.

"Ah, life is great"

Then suddenly Yugi burst into the room looking quite peeved. He was glaring evilly at Yami so evilly you might think he'd been taking lessons.

"Yami!"

"Uh…yes light?"

"Yami, I'm tired of you sitting around all day!! Go do something with your life!!"

" But Yugi … Oo"

"Don't but me mister!! Get off your lazy butt and get a job!"

"Oo Where is this coming from?"

"Stop complaining!! You're wasting your life and I will not allow you to bring me down with you"

"What am I suppose to do? I can't even work the microwave"

"Maybe you should've though of that before you dropped out of high school!"

"Oo I never went to school"

"SEE!! That's even worse than dropping out!"

"Yugi…I'm 5000 years old, I don't think it matters"

"Look at that 5000 years old, and still has done nothing with his life"

While this whole crazy ordeal was going on Yami's face seemed to be stuck as so…O.o

"That's it! Get out of my house and don't come back until you have a job!"

So by this time Yugi had thrown Yami and a Yami's suitcase out the door. You may be wondering how Yugi lifted Yami…the world shall never know. So Yugi shut the door and left Yami sitting on the sidewalk.

"Geez who peed in his cheerios?"

After ten minutes of sitting on the sidewalk doing absolutely nothing, Yami suddenly remembered what he had to do.

"Oh yeah! I'm supposed to get a job, I'd better get going"

So Yami's adventure begun, he walked all over the city. Looking for a job that interested him. First he went to McDonalds.

**_McDonalds_**

The owner of McDonalds sat at one end of a cardboard box and had Yami sit at the other, and thus the interview began.

"So what experience do you have with serving people?"

"Serving people? People serve ME!! I am the almighty Pharaoh bow before me!!"

By this time the owner of McDonalds was very scared by this person sitting on the other side of the box. His face looked a little something like this O.O

"Get out of my office…"

Yami glared at the owner and decided to mind crush him, no one turns down the almighty Pharaoh!

"Hmph…what a jerk!"

So after that completely unsuccessful interview, Yami had started looking for a job then he stumbled upon a recognizable building. Kaiba Corp!

**_Kaiba Corp_**

Yami walked up to the front desk where a young secretary sat, looking quite bored. As Yami got to the desk the secretary looked over clearly not making an effort to smile.

"May I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like a job interview"

With that said the secretary looked a bit confused thinking that maybe she'd missed something.

"There aren't any positions open at the moment sir"

"You LIE!"

"P-pardon me?"

Yami decided that this secretary clearly knew nothing; he marched right past her and into Seto Kaiba's office.

**_Kaiba's office_**

Yami was certain he would be able to get a job here, him and Kaiba were just so close…how could it fail?

"Hiya Kaiba!"

Kaiba looked up from his computer, knowing that he obviously wasn't being spoken to by an employee. None of his employees were happy.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm here for a job interview!"

"Oo I don't have any positions open…do I?"

Kaiba was more talking to himself than Yami, so Yami decided to carry on with the interview himself.

"Yes, anyway I'm skilled in…well nothing. But if you don't give me a job I'll crush your soul!"

"¬.¬ Get out of my building"

Yami's threats clearly hadn't fazed Kaiba so he'd have to but their friendship on the line. Yami forced himself to get tears to form in his eyes.

"B-But Kaiba I thought we were friends!"

"Oo Are you on drugs?"

"Oo Noooooooo"

Kaiba slowly reached over for the phone, this situation was getting strange…a little TOO strange even for Yami.

" So do you have a job for me?"

As Yami was talking Kaiba had started to dial the mental institutions number. One may wonder how Seto knows their phone number…maybe he was excepting something like this to happen. The world may never know.

"¬¬ Kaiba it's not nice to talk on the phone in the middle of a job interview"

"You're not in an interview!"

"Oo? Then where am I?"

"You'll be going to the mental institution soon…"

Kaiba was starting to get impatient with Yami and the mental facility people for not answering their phone!

"I am? Why, did you get me a job there?"

"-.-; Yes, that's it Yami…that's exactly what I did"

"¬¬ Wait a minute…that was sarcasm wasn't it?"

Kaiba hung up the phone; clearly no one was going to answer at the other end. He'd have to make a note to get all those people fired.

"¬¬ Just get out of my sight"

"Well FINE!! THIS FRIENDSHIP IS OVER KAIBA!"

Kaiba watched as Yami stormed angrily out of his building, Kaiba couldn't help but wonder…

"Oo What friendship?"

**_The Street…again_**

"Pfft, stupid Kaiba"

So Yami searched on mentally cursing Kaiba on the way, until he saw a sign that defiantly sparked his interest. 'Lawyer needed'

"Hm…a lawyer ne?"

**_Interview_**

Yami and the interviewer sat at an extremely long table at opposite ends, the table's length was completely unnecessary but Yami let it slide.

"So you want to be a lawyer?"

"Oo Um, I think that was implied"

"Ah, you have spunk! I like that"

"Oo Is that a good thing?"

"It sure is! You're hired!"

Yami stared at the interviewer in disbelief…had they actually hired him? Usually everyone kicked him out thinking he was a nutcase. Yami thought that maybe this interviewer had forgotten about that part so he decided to remind them.

"Oo Aren't you going to kick me out thinking crazy?"

"Nooooooo…"

Now Yami was really surprised, but then he remembered something a very important necessity for being a lawyer.

"Wait, don't I need some kind of degree to have this job?"

"Nah, none of us do. We just use fake ones to make us look smart…in fact here's yours"

"Oo…uh…thanks"

"No problem, you start tomorrow be here at 7 sharp"

With that Yami slowly backed out of the office with the ridiculously large table, and back out on the street. In fact, Yami was so shocked he walked backwards all the way home of course this resulted in almost getting run over multiple times. But now that Yami finally had a job, he could return to Yugi. Yugi should be proud.

**_Kame_****_ Game Shop_**

"Hey Light!"

Yugi looked over suspiciously at Yami when he came in, thinking that Yami had better have gotten a job…but Yugi figured knowing Yami he probably forgot.

"¬¬ I thought I told you not to come back until you got a job"

"But I did get a job"

"O.O You did?"

" Yeah! I'm a lawyer"

Yugi stood there dumbfounded…a lawyer? But then Yugi hit the same realization as Yami had earlier.

"Oo But don't you need as degree to be that?"

"That's what I thought…but here's one!"

Yami handed his "Degree" to Yugi and Yugi just stared at it…kind of like this O.O

"O.O Wow! Yami you completed university in one afternoon?"

"No I didn't it's fake"

Yugi clearly did hear what Yami said because he just kept mumbling things about having a genius Yami.

"Wow, you must be really smart Yami! From now on you can do all of my homework!"

"T.T Pooh…"


	2. Yami's first day

It was the beginning of another beautiful day at the Kame game shop, and since it was Yami's first day. Yugi took it upon himself to wake up Yami super early so he wouldn't be late.

"Yami…Yami, it's time to wake up"

But of course, like any normal person would Yami slept on. Merely rolling over in response to Yugi's pokes.

"Oo Yami?"

This time Yami had a rather odd reaction to Yugi's poke. No one saw it coming.

"OW! THAT FREAKING COW BIT ME!!"

Yami started flailing his arms and was screaming about cows, Yugi took it upon himself to whack Yami with a frying pan before he woke up the whole city.

"Ow…Yugi what was that for?"

"Come one Yami! You're going to be late for work!"

Yami grumbled and took a look at the clock only to see it was 4 in the morning. To say the least Yami was not happy about this.

"Yugi…it's only 4"

"Yes, I know"

"I don't have to be at work until 7"

"I know! You're wasting time, now go get ready!"

Since Yami defiantly wasn't a morning person, and he certainly didn't believe this time qualified as morning he was grumpy. So grumpy that actually insulted Yugi under his breath.

"Stupid midget…"

"Hm? Did you say something Yami?"

"O.O Um…no?"

" Okay then!"

With that Yugi mysteriously disappeared, leaving Yami with only a couple of words and one emotion.

"Oo I'm so terribly confused…"

So after Yami had showered, and eaten the pancakes Yugi made for him…that mysteriously looked like they were in the shape of a cow. Yami started walking to the office, though Yami couldn't shake the feeling that he was making a very big mistake by taking this job.

**_The Office_**

Yami stepped into the office and was greeted by his boss…oddly named Boss. Boss showed Yami his office, Yami sat down in this really big chair…these lawyers were either really fat and needed big chairs or they just like really big chairs. Maybe to feel important?

"Who would honestly name their kid Boss?"

Just then some guy wearing purple pants and a pink shirt bursted into Yami's office, with a humongous smile on his face.

"Hey! You must be the new guy!"

"Oo Who are you?"

"I'm Jim! I used to be the new guy, until you came."

Yami didn't like this Jim person, not only was he overly friendly but he'd almost killed Yami by giving him a heart attack within 10 minutes of his first day.

"Well that great but…I don't really care"

"Well new guy at least let me show you around!"

"¬¬ I have a name you know"

"I know new guy"

Yami had thought he'd be able to put up with Jim, but seeing how Jim didn't seem to care that Yami's name was not 'new guy' he decided that…

"-.- I hate this guy"

"Oo Did you just say you bought some snow?"

"-.-; Yea…that's exactly what I said"

So after a long frustrating hour of Jim's stupidity, Yami finally decided it would be best to mind crush him…so he did. Now Yami has an unconscious annoying little man on his floor. Then Boss came in and told Yami that for his first case he'd get to choose which case he would like to take…and he'd find others to do the cases that Yami didn't want. So Yami began to call people in to hear their case.

"Please take a seat"

Just as Yami was about to ask the person what their case was they had noticed Jim's body laying on the floor, and was thoroughly disturbed by it.

"O.O What's that?"

Yami looked over at Jim's body, then he shifted his eyes mysteriously and threw a blanket over Jim's body even though the blanket was clearly too small to cover his whole body.

" Why it's nothing!"

Yami's client kept staring at Jim's body and couldn't help but wonder what happened to him.

"So what's your case?"

"Well…uh…O.O"

The client looked over at Jim again and couldn't help it, he dashed out of the room as fast as he could he didn't even look back.

"What kind of case is that?"

Yami glared at Jim's body, it was all Jim's fault that the client was scared…though he couldn't blame the client Jim scared Yami too.

"¬¬ Even when you're unconscious you still bother me…"

So Yami decided it would be best to dispose of Jim's body. Yami couldn't think of anywhere to dump his body so Yami carelessly threw Jim out of the window. Yami heard a few people scream after he did it…Yami didn't blame them though that guy was just so frickening annoying! But little did Yami know that Jim's body had landed on top of the client that had recently been scared away. Poor guy…never saw it coming.

"NEXT!"

The office door opened to reveal a really really fat guy; he wobbled over to the chair that he clearly would not be able to fit in so he just sat on top of the chair.

"Hey, I'd like to sue McDonalds for making me fat!"

"Oo That is the gayest thing I've ever heard!"

"…Gay as in happy or gay as in stupid?"

"Gay as in stupid!"

"I want some justice! How can you let McDonalds get away with making people fat?!"

"McDonalds can't make you fat! You choose to go there and eat all the time. And that's why your so fricken fat!"

"Nu-uh Ronald McDonald made me do it…he has evil powers"

Yami stared at his fat client; he didn't like the sounds of this Ronal McDonald fellow.

"Oo He does?"

"Yea…and he's just looking for some one skinny like you to make fat."

"O.O GASP! I will not allow such a thing to happen to me!"

"So your going to take my case?"

Yami looked at his client like he was a moron, why in all things holy would he even consider taking such a case?

"Oo Pff no"

"Then how are you going to stop Ronald from making you fat?"

"Easy…I'll just never go to McDonalds. Now get out of my office!"

"T.T I'm so sad…I guess I'll just go back to McDonalds"

"-.- That was just plain sad. NEXT!"

As Yami called the next person in, a man wearing a very expensive looking suit came in. This person looked quite intelligent and Yami was hoping that he was. Yami was getting very tired of these stupid people with stupid cases. So the man sat down and Yami thought we might as well get this over with.

"How can I help you?"

"Hmm you look quite familiar"

Yami gave this client an odd stare, was he coming on to him? Yami shook his head and decided to continue.

"Oo Anyway, what's your case?"

"Well my name is Kazuki Takahashi and I am the creator of YuGiOh…"

Yami stared at Kazuki Takahashi with wide eyes, he defiantly didn't see that one coming and now Yami knew for a fact that he wasn't coming on to him earlier.

"And I'd like to sue all of those Author or Authoresses out there writing stories about my characters"

"O.O Sweet! This is the best case ever! Now I will no longer be tortured by those authors and authoresses!"

Kazuki Takahashi looked at Yami a bit closer, and slowly came to the realization that Yami was a character from YuGiOh.

"Ah! Now I know who you are, you're one of my YuGiOh characters!"

" YES! I'm so going to take your case! I'll never be in a story again!"

"Very good. Now let's go sue the pants of those Author and authoresses!"

Yami was happy so happy that he was smiling. There was a crowd of Authors and Authoresses standing outside with their faces pressed against the glass, after over hearing what was going on the all looked at each other and said…

"O.O Uh-oh…time to hit the road!"


	3. The Jury is Selected

We left off with Yami and Kazuki Takahashi teaming up to sue all of the Authors/Authoresses that write about Yu-Gi-Oh. They were currently making their strategy; they had almost everything planned; now all they needed was a jury.

"Hmm now who should we have in the jury?"

"Well, it would be logical to put the other Yu-Gi-Oh characters in, because I'm sure their all tired of being in stories"

"True, I wonder…who hates Authors and Authoresses the most?"

After about an hour of brain storming Yami finally decided upon his jury and sent out the jury duty letters.

**_Ryou's house_**

****

Ryou was flipping through the mail trying his best to ignore all the bills, until he stumbled upon a letter addressed to his yami.

"Oh, look Bakura you have some mail"

"I do?"

Bakura took the letter from Ryou; after the letter was opened Bakura glared at it very intensely this confused Ryou.

"What is it?"

"JURY DUTY!! This is an outrage!"

Ryou blinked, someone had sent Bakura jury duty? This wasn't going to turn out very good.

"Who's this from?!"

"Um…Bakura, Yami's name is on it"

"Oh…STUPID YAMI!!!! I'm going to go burn down his house now!"

"Bakura! You can't do th- Oh never mind just go"

But when Ryou looked up he noticed Bakura had already left, he clearly didn't notice Ryou was talking to him.

"T.T No one listens to me…"

**_Kaiba Corp _**

****

Seto sat at his desk staring at the mail his secretary had just brought in, he stared at it for about 20 minutes before he decided to open it. Unfortunately for Seto he opened Yami's first.

"O.O Jury duty?! Yami, that stupid moron! How dare he try to waste my time with such pitiful things!"

Just then Seto heard yelling from outside, Seto turned to look out the window only to see Bakura walking past his building with a burning torch in his hand yelling something about burning Yami's house down.

"Oo; I guess I'm not the only one who got jury duty…well if Bakura's burning down his house I guess I'll have to make sure my limo driver runs him over."

So while Seto made the arrangements for Yami to be run over by his driver some of the other characters were receiving their letters.

**_Malik's house_**

****

"Gah! That stupid pharaoh!"

At the mention of the Pharaoh's name, Marik popped up wondering id maybe he could convince Malik to help him kill Yami.

"Oh! Do we have a valid reason to kill him now?"

Malik looked over at Marik, and much to Marik's surprise Malik had somewhat of a murderous glint in his eyes.

"Yes, he sent us both jury duty letters"

"O.O He's eviler than I thought!"

"Marik, I guess we'll have to kill him"

"Good plan light, let's go"

**_Pegasus's house_**

****

Pegasus sat at a table eating some cheese when he read Yami's letter he spit out his supposed "Fruit Juice".

"Jury duty?! This cannot be! I'm going to miss funny bunny! Croquet, can't you do something?"

"Uh, not really master Pegasus…but I could always tape funny bunny for you"

"T.T Oh…it's just not the same. I'll just have to teach Yami-boy a lesson! I'll make sure he never abuses funny bunny in such a way again!"

"How exactly are you going to do that?"

"I will tie him up, and make him watch funny bunny for countless hours!"

Pegasus was determined to teach Yami a lesson; he went off looking for his tapes of funny bunny and leaving Croquet a confused man. Poor Yami, he's going to have to watch his back now. He has Bakura on his way to burn down Yami's house; Seto getting his limo driver to run Yami over, Malik and Marik are out to kill Yami, and Pegasus is planning on making Yami watch funny bunny. Poor, poor Yami.

**_Yami and _****_Kazuki Takahashi_**

****

" There I'm thoroughly pleased with my jury! There's no way we can loose!"

"Excellent, well I must be off. I've got some Yu-Gi-Oh episodes to make!"

"Oh, well before you go can I make a suggestion?"

"Sure"

"Make me taller! I'm a Pharaoh for goodness sake!"

"I'm terribly sorry but I find it more amusing for you to be short"

"¬¬ That jerk"

After Yami got over the fact that he was short, he glanced at the clock and noticed it was time to go home.

"Yay!"

So Yami decided that he was too good for walking, so he ran all the way home, but as he neared his house he could see tons of smoke in air.

"Oo; What is that?"

When Yami tried to cross the street to see what was going on a limo came flying at him.

"O.O AH!"

As Yami was running towards his house and away from the limo he saw Malik and Marik pull up to him on their motorcycle.

"DIE!"

"Yes, please do!"

"OO; AHHH! I'm too beautiful to die!"

Just as Yami thought it couldn't get ant worse he saw Pegasus running at him with a funny bunny stuffed animal and some tapes.

"O.O Dear Lord! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

In all this confusion Yugi managed to put the fire out, and saved Yami from his upcoming doom. Once Yugi had pulled Yami inside the house, everyone who had previously tried to kill him left to form a new plan.

"Phew, thanks Yugi"

"-.-; You've only been a lawyer for one day, and a ton of people already hate you…"

" I know isn't it great?"

"Are you even listening?"

"Don't worry…I drove"

"-.-; Why did I even save you?"

"Sorry, I don't have any marshmallows"

"Ugh! I give up!"

After that useless and confusing conversation Yugi stormed off unable to handle anymore of Yami's stupidity for now. Yami couldn't help but wonder one thing as he watched Yugi storm off…

"Oo; I wonder what's wrong with him?"


End file.
